F. Falmer Browne

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1. 

   Tell Me a Tale

   October 13, 2021

   Addy pondered for a moment, then grinned and nodded.  "A'right, then, sounds like a right good arrangement, although I'd be remiss not ta pay her somethin'."  She reckoned she could work that out with the young lady.
    
   Felix gave Addy an avuncular smile and shook his head slightly. "Oh, I doubt the young lady I am thinking of would be at all interested in any form of remuneration, Adelaide. In fact, if I have read her aright, the arrangement will be rewarding for her in a much more profound and, dare I say, spiritual way." he said, sounding a little more mysterious than he really intended to.
    
   But then her nose wrinkled up."It ain't Miss Mudd, is t?  Not that I got nothin' against th' child, but she'd like as not end up in th' manure pile eventually!"
    
   Browne frowned. "Mudd? Mudd? ... Oh! Is that the rather hoydenish girl with whom you had the slight contretemps at the Ladies' Society meeting?" As something of a recluse, Browne hardly ever visited either the Saloon or the Church and was therefore, apart from the aforementioned incident, blissfully unaware of the antics of the little pest Arabella. 
    
   "By no means. The young lady I am thinking of is extremely well educated and well mannered and, I believe, in dire need of a worthy project to distract her from her woes. It is not my place to mention names, but if I were to inform you that the poor girl recently lost her father in the most horrible and distressing of circumstances, you may well hazard a guess." Browne intoned, aiming to calm Addy's fears. "I hope that such a person might be acceptable to you."
    
   Laughing, she shrugged and held out her glass for another refill.  "Deal!  Now I got Weedy ta look after, I gotta be more educated, I reckon, so's now's as good a time as any.  An' I know Weedy'd love ta come over an' help you with...whatever it is yer doin' here.  Be good fer th' lad."
    
   "Very good!" beamed Browne, refilling their glasses, only a slight pang of regret that he had done the decent thing in attempting to help Miss Chappel and Miss Orr all in one fell swoop, without indulging his own selfish desires.
    
   [OOC: I'll start a new thread, set about a week or so later, with Anæsthesia calling on Addy for the first lesson]
   
2. 

   Tell Me a Tale

   October 11, 2021

   "Need someone ta show me once an' fer all how ta read an' write.  Can't go no longer not knowin' that.  Reckon I could talk to th' school marm."  She'd seemed a nice sort and had held her own against adversity.
    
   Browne's blurted reply might well have been predicted: "Oh, my dear Miss Chappel, I myself would be only too happy to..."
    
   He stopped himself at the precipice, and teetered at its edge.
    
   Could he trust himself? Could he attempt to teach this beautiful young woman, this beautiful, engaged woman to read and write without falling hopelessly, foolishly further in love with her? The very idea was grotesque, silly. He was an old man; he had dedicated the remainder of his life to science, to relieving the suffering of mankind. No, he could not risk it. 
    
   "... to arrange a private tutor for you." He heaved a secret sigh of relief. He had done it. He had resisted temptation.
    
   "There is a young person of my acquaintance whom I believe has all the necessary literary qualifications for the task and, more importantly, the correct..." he struggled for the right phrase "... the right heart. There would be no cost involved..." he assumed that money might be tight around the Chappel household at the moment with Jay away and a growing boy to feed.
    
   There was a clatter next door and Felix, deigning to read Addy's mind, quickly added.
    
   "This is no silly girl like Jemima of whom I speak, Adelaide, but a very proper young woman only a few years younger than yourself." he claimed, rather generously, to the 29 year old. "We could arrange for a two week trial period, and then the two of you could let me know whether you both wish to continue. If not, then there will be no embarrassment on either side."
    
   Falmer Browne said all this in as easy-going manner as possible: though he realised that when it came down to it, being taught by a younger woman might actually be quite an ordeal for the grown up, self reliant, independent woman who sat before him.
    
   @Bongo
   
3. 

   Tell Me a Tale

   October 9, 2021

   "Don't reckon as I blame her."  Addy shrugged.  "S'why I don't put much stock in love."  She could do without Jay, she'd been fine before he'd shown up, and she'd be just fine...until he came back.
    
   Falmer Browne found himself in something of an invidious position. On the one hand, he somewhat agreed with Jemima's assessment: that such a letter was possibly a comfortable way out for a man who was getting cold feet about marriage and settling down. He was also delighted to have a love rival out of the way, no matter how hopeless his own romantical plans were, even without competition.
    
   On the other hand, he had the utmost sympathy for Addy, and for Weedy too, for that matter. And it seemed hard that Ryker had not even deigned to give an exact date for his return that Addy could at least pin her hopes on. 'Acouple of months' was vague, when did that become 'a few months'?
    
   He tried to be comforting.
    
   "I am sure that Mr Ryker will return very soon" he said somewhat stiffly "'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' and all that!" he added, though he could equally have repeated the old adage 'Out of sight, out of mind'.
    
    "Gonna be hard on Weedy, though.  He's got a fondness fer Jay, an' he'll miss him while he's gone."
    
   "Well, we must occupy his mind, and your own, until Mr Ryker returns!" the scientist counselled breezily. "You and he are always welcome around here. Young Master Porter seemed to be quite interested in my small menagerie and, for all her strange ideas, Miss Wigfall seems to have an odd affinity with the lad." he offered. He felt a little guilty, for there was definitely  an element of selfish interest in his invitations.
    
   
4. 

   Tell Me a Tale

   October 7, 2021

   "Afternoon, F...Falmer....Mr. Browne..."  She wasn't sure what to call him...'F' seemed odd, 'Falmer' was his second name, and 'Mr. Browne' was awful formal for neighbors.
    
   "Oh, please, Miss Chappel, call me Felix: no formality between good neighbors, eh?" he replied jovially before waving the bottle of whiskey queryingly in her direction.
    
   "Yes, sir, I'd more'n be happy with a bit'a fortification, can always do with that!"
    
   "Fortification. Yes. Good word! I... too... shall fortify." he said as he carefully poured a generous bumper of the good stuff for each of them and handed the drink over with all the assiduous attention of a high class waiter in a fancy restaurant. 
    
   "Now then..." he risked it "Adelaide, is this a purely social visit, or is there something that you would like to discuss?" Oooh, it felt so thrilling to use her Christian name.
    
   Nothing like whisky to still the nerves, and it would be a sin to turn down the 'good stuff'.  "I was thinkin' ta ask a favor, if it ain't too much a imposition."
    
   "I am entirely at your service." came the instant reply, Browne sweeping an arm and bowing slightly to further indicate his complete and utter willingness to render any aide that the entrancing diamond in the rough might desire.
    
   @Bongo
   
5. 

   On the Street Where You Live

   August 1, 2021

   Jay watched the paint drop onto his immaculately polished boot. and shook his head.
    
   "You wouldn't stand a chance. But you're lucky. I'm not gentleman and I won't be duelling you. Not for this. If you were actually in love with Adelaide and wanted to court her...maybe."
    
   "You won't fight, Sir?!" This idea was somewhat beyond F. Falmer Browne's sphere of comprehension. Was the man part of some strange pacifist religion, like the German Bretherin perhaps?
    
   He took the pain brush from the mans hand and set it down so it wouldn't mark up his shoes any more. "You can have the first punch, though!" Now it was Jay's tone that had become self assured and mocking.
    
   "Oh! Fisticuffs, eh?! Very well, as the challenged party, you have choice of weapons, of course. And I am willing to dispense with seconds if you are. You will have to pick up your own teeth from the sidewalk!" Browne warned, pulling off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves. 
    
   So, she was stomping back, and in time to see the men squaring up. 
    
   Browne, for his part had taken a scientific stance, legs bent and akimbo, first circling somewhat ridiculously looking in front of him in pure textbook style. 
    
   "Come come! I'll have you know I used to box at Amhurst! I took the Bronze Medal at the 1838 intercollege bout, I'll soon settle your hash, you brute!" F.F. taunted, circling round and making feints and jabs that nearly put his back out of kilter.
    
   But Addy had other ideas.
    
   "Ain't gonna be no duelin'!" she declared as she barged between the two, "an' th' only one doin' any punchin'll be me!"  To that end, she gave F. Falmer a firm jab in the chest.
    
   "Ow! That hurt." he complained, rubbing the afflicted area. 
    
    "You, go home before I do somethin' I'll enjoy!"
    
   "But... he snatched my brush!" protested Falmer Browne weakly, before sighing "Very well. Miss Chappel, Mr Ryker." he gave them both a small stiff bow and sloped off, then had to step back and retrieve his jacket from the steps before trying again.
    
   "An' you," now it was Jay's turn, "ya come with me, if ya ever did have any feelin's fer me, an' I know ya did, an' I you, so jest...C'mon, let's talk this out."
    
   There was too much at stake to just let this go...
    
   @Jack @Bongo
    
   
6. 

   On the Street Where You Live

   July 31, 2021

   Rather than withdraw his slanderous slur, Mr. Ryker compounded it further.
    
   "You have a sleazy grin, sly tongue and not much to back it up is what I think so you need to go around and steal other mens ..." What could he call her without saying too much. "...treasures."
    
   "You have gone too far Sir. How dare you! How very dare you?!! To imply, that I ... with ... your treasures! I..." Falmer Browne spluttered with wounded dignity. "You will withdraw those comments, Sir, or suffer the consequences!"
    
   "Bring on the consequences. I dare you."
    
   Ryker's paintbrush wielding rival turned suddenly from red-faced outrage to a sort of pale faced calm, as he pulled himself up to his full height and became very calm. The die was cast. There was no choice but death before dishonour.
    
   "Very well." he said, looking down his nose at Jay "As a gentleman, you offer me no other choice. You will please name your second, and my second, Mr..." Oh crikey, who could he name as his second? Being something of a recluse he didn't really have any male friends that he could rely on to hold his coat in a duel of honour. Oh, there was the lad who delivered him farm produce sometimes! He'd have to do. 
    
   "My second, Mr Jacob Lutz, will wait upon your second." He stood waiting to hear who Ryker's second would be as a blob of paint dripped onto his boot.
    
   @Jack
   
7. 

   On the Street Where You Live

   July 29, 2021

   "I will be accompanying the two." Jay clerified in a slightly threatening tone.
    
   "Oh! How very reassuring for them both." Browne replied and gave a little smile as if he had said something very amusing which he, but not Jay, could understand. Ah! The self satisfied smile of sarcasm: the last refuge of the scoundrel!
    
   But then Addy changed the course of the conversation.
    
   "Jack Ryker, if ya got a problem with me havin' friends what are men, ya'd best leave now!" she declared, facing that particular victim.  "Ain't no cause fer it, an' if yer gonna git all gizzard up 'bout it, I ain't gonna stand fer it.  'Sides, just says ya don't trust me, an' I don't need that kinda grief!"
    
   F. Falmer Browne lowered his brush and looked with mock pity on Jay, or Jack, or perhaps 'Jackass' Ryker as he received his well deserved (probably) dressing down by the fiery beauty of the Buckboard. He even allowed himself a sad, but self satisfied, shake of his head, as if to say 'poor fellow, he just doesn't know how to handle women!'
    
   Then... she started on him!
    
   "An' you..." now she turned on F. Falmer, "ya know I ain't available, so's I don't even know why yer fussin'."  She shrugged.  "An' here I thought you were bein' a friend, wantin' ta help 'cause yer...a friend." 
    
   Browne gave a little squeak of shock and nearly dropped his brush. "I... I..." he stammered, quite taken aback as she stormed off.
    
   The way she had talked to him just because another guy intruded on his territory made him angry.
    "My name's Jay!"
    
   Falmer Brown scratched his head and disagreed. "I rather believe that your name is mud at this point in time, and mine also! But by God, what a magnificent woman " 
    
   He called after her.
   When she didn't turn back he faced the unwanted guest instead.
    
   Falmer Browne watched Miss Chappel stalk off with regret, wonderful sight though she was from all angles. "Oh dear, well, you made rather a mess of that, I'm afraid." said Browne with his usual mixture of pretend regret and secret satisfaction. 
    
   "well done. You made her mad!"
    
   "ME?!" blustered Browne, "I will have you know that I was helping!" He held up his paintbrush as if to prove it.
    
   "What a great help you were. Trying to sweet talk her with you lemonade, handsome clothes and sleazy smile."
    
   "Sleazy?!" repeated Browne, almost dropping his brush with injured dignity "How dare you, Sir! How dare you! You will take that back; you will take that back this instant... or suffer the consequences!"
    
   Yes, this was fast becoming an affair of honour!!
   
8. 

   On the Street Where You Live

   July 28, 2021

   "... I understand that Jemima has suggested the little fellow visit his Mother's grave in Whitefish..." the 'Professor' continued as he painted.
    
   "Yes, sir, that's so."  With a nod, she glanced at Jay.  "We're goin' out there in a day or so, try'n find th' grave.  Jay's makin' a marker fer her, so's folks'll know where she is."  
    
   "Indeed!" nodded Falmer Browne. He looked over to Ryker and slowly said "That is very good." carefully annunciating his words, like he was talking to someone of limited intelligence.
    
   It was a good thing he was doing for the boy, and by relation, for her as well.  "Sad thing, that th' woman seemed ta just be gettin' her life right, just ta have it snuffed out."
    
   "Ah, indeed" sighed the next door neighbor "None of us knows when our lives may be unexpectedly cut short." He looked in Ryker's direction, hopefully.
    
   He scowled at the comments and motioned for the paint brush. "Watch your stroke or you might ruin the beauty of this new home."
    
   "With Miss Chappel in the frame, any picture would look beautiful!" Falmer Browne smiled, but that confounded Englishman brought the conversation immodestly back to his own contribution to the solemn journey to Whitefish.
    
   "Yes, my dear, I will be making a very fine marker." He confirmed calling her 'dear' for the first time out loud.
    
   "I am sure that you will do your best." replied Falmer Browne with faux-friendliness and, in the words of Alexander Pope, 'damning with faint praise'.
    
   To Addy, he added. "I do hope that you and Master James have a stout gentleman to accompany you to the graveyard, Miss Chappel: it is my understanding that there are both hostile Indians abroad in the countryside and some rather unsavoury characters still about in Whitefish itself." 
    
    
    
   
9. 

   On the Street Where You Live

   July 25, 2021

   So he said. "Very well, Mr. Browne. You paint here and we'll do the other side."
    
   "Splendid!" beamed Falmer Browne, bowing slightly "All the better to gaze upon Miss Chappel's beauty!" he flirted with gentle grace. "I hope you don't make me miss my stroke, Miss Chappel!" he chuckled easily as Jay scowled at him.
    
   He briefly looked at Addy checking the way she drank her lemonade and the way she looked at Browne. Jay did not like this new development.
    
   "Pray, how is Master James recovering after his unfortunate incident with Monty? I do hope that he has not taken the accident to heart, I cannot reiterate enough how the affair was none of his fault. Oh well, give her her due, Jemima may be rather an odd girl, but I think her little prayer did help him come to terms a little with the matter..."
    
   Browne babbled on to Addy, not looking at Jay, and pointedly picking a topic of conversation that he knew the Englishman would have difficulty joining in with: private jokes and little points of information that would freeze him out as coldly as the superior lemonade he had provided and conversationally 'sending him to Coventry'. 
    
   "... I understand that Jemima has suggested the little fellow visit his Mother's grave in Whitefish..." the 'Professor' continued as he painted.
    
   @Bongo @Jack
   
10. 

    On the Street Where You Live

    July 4, 2021

    Taking a pristine, tall glass , she poured lemonade into it, then gave F. Falmer a kiss on the cheek.
     
    "Oh, I..er..." Falmer Browne giggled like a shy schoolgirl, clearly pleased at the attention the beautiful Miss Chappel paid him.
     
    After taking a good swig of the tart sweetness, she smiled widely and nodded.  "This is real good! Here!" she handed the glass to Jay, "try some!  Say, Mr. Grizzly, ya know how ta paint?  We could use some help here."
     
    "Oh, well, I have dabbled in watercolours before now..." mumbled the neighbour modestly "I daresay the principles are the same for painting gates..." he reached down for a brush, but Addy's friend's reception of his efforts to be neighbourly was as sour as the lemonade.
     
    Jays gaze darkened considerably before he gave her the eye.
    "I really don't think we need any help, Addy."
     
    "Oh!" breathed Falmer Browne, brush poised in mid air, glancing to Addy in a way that said 'I'm talking to the organ grinder, not the monkey, thanks'.
     
    To the man he added.
    "Thanks for your neighborly offer of a drink. Feel free to return to your own duties now." 
     
    "Duties?!" repeated the older man, looking somewhat affronted "I can assure you, Sir!, that as a gentleman,..." he said the word with emphasis, so as to underline that he didn't think that the term applied to Jay "... my only duties are those that pertain to offering help to Ladies in need of assistance!"
     
    @Bongo @Jack