Jump to content
Sagas of the Wild West
  • Forum Statistics

    192
    Total Topics
    5,801
    Total Posts

Grin and Bear It


Recommended Posts

Mature Content: No

With: F. Falmer Browne, Esq/Dame Addy, Bar Killer
Location: The street
When: April/ 1876
Time of Day: Afternoon

 

content-divider.png

 

“My apologies, Miss Chappel, if my appearance alarmed you, I had supposed that you, of all people, would not be alarmed by my unconventional garb … it is just, the young lady whom you escorted from the building, our absent poetess, had informed me that this occasion was to be a ‘fancy dress party’ and I must confide, I am most exceeding partial to ‘fancy dress parties’.”

 

"Why don't that surprise me?"  Shaking her head, Addy muttered, "Reckon it likely was in that child's head."  It was no mystery that Arabella was subject to flights of fantasy, and it was no surprise that she preferred a 'fancy dress party' to a dull meeting.

 

“F. Falmer Browne, at your service, Miss Chappel” he tried the bow again “I believe that we are new neighbors. My card…” he went to fetch out his carte de visite from his vest pocket, but found a layer of dead bear in the way. “Oh, I shall ‘pop’ my card around later. Ahem! It is also my intention to avail myself of your very particular services at some time in the very near future, Miss Chappel. Perhaps we can arrange a time to meet and ‘talk it through’ at your convenience, of course.” He proffered.

 

As she continued to watch him skeptically, Addy speculated that it was not a problem that he didn't have a card, since she couldn't much read anyway, and when he declared that he wanted her services, she frowned, wondering what, exactly, he meant, and still not convinced that he wasn't here to take Weedy.

 

"Can do that now, if you've a mind," she muttered, then shrugged.  "Can just head over to th' saloon an' you can buy me a beer."[/b]  Not offering to give him time to get out of the absurd costume he had on...good to keep him a bit off balance, wasn't it?

 

@Javia

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Can do that now, if you've a mind," she muttered, then shrugged.  "Can just head over to th' saloon an' you can buy me a beer."  Not offering to give him time to get out of the absurd costume he had on...good to keep him a bit off balance, wasn't it?

 

However, Falmer Browne looked delighted by the idea, only pausing to shout to the page inside the hotel lobby “Boy! My head, if you please!”

 

The bell boy ran out, carrying the disembodied ursine noggin, handing it over with an optimistic “Will that be all, Sir?” which was the internationally recognised bell boy or hotel porter argot for Now where the hell’s my tip?

 

Again, the gentleman in the costume found himself embarrassed at his inability to get to his pockets. “Thank you boy, er, I shall send you a tip over presently!” he tried cheerfully, although the lad would have none of it, giving Browne a look of vitriolic disgust and muttering “I bet!” as he turned on his heel and marched away, cursing.

 

“Oh dear, I believe I have quite made an enemy there!” he chuckled sheepishly as he escorted the equally surly seeming Miss Chappel to the saloon. It was rather improper for a lady to enter such a place, he had to admit, but, dressed in a bearskin, he could hardly cast aspersions upon her unconventional ways.

 

As the swing doors opened, there was a high pitched scream, and a shout of “She’s come t’ break my other arm!!!” followed by the sound of boots running at top speed along the wooden floor of the place and a blur of blue as a female in a Zouave uniform disappeared out of a far doorway, leading to the back of the place.

 

Falmer Browne beamed at the bearded barman as he started to divest himself of the bear outfit (he was fully clothed beneath, of course!), who didn’t bat an eye at the unconventional sight of a beautiful and refined lady like Miss Chappel entering such a common and low dive as a public bar.

 

“Barman!” he addressed the man “A glass of your finest Sarsaparilla cordial for myself, and whatever my fair guest would like to imbibe. I’m sure that they have a number of beverages suitable for as refined and delicate a palate as yours, Miss Chappel.” He smiled, this time able to reach for his pocket book.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"I'll take a whisky," Addy declared, watching in amusement as the bear skin spit out its victim, rather reminding her of the tale of 'Jonah and the Whale'.  

 

And as the man made himself whole again, she took the opportunity to go to the back door and yank it open.  "I done broke yer arm, Missy!" she called out, "so ya best mind yerself that I don't actually hunt ya down an' break it fer real!"

 

That done, she returned to the bear-man and smiled sweetly.  "So, what's this business proposition ya got?"

 

@Javia

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"I'll take a whisky," Addy declared, watching in amusement as the bear skin spit out its victim, rather reminding her of the tale of 'Jonah and the Whale'. 

 

“A whiskey?!” Browne repeated, agog, but recovered himself quickly “… and a … a whiskey for the lady, please. Neat?” he looked at Addy “Er, yes, neat please … and in a lady’s glass, of course!” he added, in an effort to ameliorate his shock at the woman’s hard drinking ways.

 

And as the man made himself whole again, she took the opportunity to go to the back door and yank it open.  "I done broke yer arm, Missy!" she called out, "so ya best mind yerself that I don't actually hunt ya down an' break it fer real!"

 

There was another scream from upstairs and the sound of a door being slammed shut.

 

Falmer Brown was busy paying for the drinks with an enormous golden ‘Double Eagle’ $20 piece, the change from which completely decimated the barkeeper’s float of smaller coins, even after the moustachioed man had added “And one for yourself, of course!”

 

That done, she returned to the bear-man and smiled sweetly.  "So, what's this business proposition ya got?"

 

“Oh please, let us sit.” Said the now fully human Browne, carrying their drinks to a table not too near the bar. Once seated, he took sip of his sarsaparilla and leaned in closer to Addy over the table.

 

“Well Miss Chappel” he half whispered “I am willing to pay whatever it takes to complete this deal, but before we proceed too far into things, I should like to examine your undercarriage.”

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Addy might be just a little on the 'uncouth' side, but she knew to let the man hold the chair for her, and she settled across from him, taking a sip of the whisky rather than just swigging it at once.

 

“Well Miss Chappel” he half whispered “I am willing to pay whatever it takes to complete this deal, but before we proceed too far into things, I should like to examine your undercarriage.”

 

"Oh, well, see here, Mr. Browne Bear," Addy was actually on the verge of chuckling, understanding, she thought, what he was asking, but hearing the double entendre.  "I made th' last man that wanted ta inspect my undercarriage marry me...an' that didn't last but fer th' night, 'til th' likker wore off."

 

Throwing back the rest of the whisky, she set the glass on the table and looked the man straight in the eye, her expression serious.  "So, Mr. Browne, what are ya prepared ta offer me fer a gander at my undercarriage?  Make it good..."

 

@Javia

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Oh, well, see here, Mr. Browne Bear," Addy was actually on the verge of chuckling, understanding, she thought, what he was asking, but hearing the double entendre.

 

“Oh, ‘Brown Bear’ ha ha! Very good, Miss Chappel, very good!” the man chortled, appreciating her quick, rapier-like wit. Clever as well as radiantly beautiful, he thought.

 

"I made th' last man that wanted ta inspect my undercarriage marry me...an' that didn't last but fer th' night, 'til th' likker wore off."

 

Falmer Browne suddenly stood up, the scraping of his chair drawing a few gazes, and gave a slight bow. “To unfortunate man who allowed you to slip through his fingers, I offer my sincere condolences; speaking on behalf of the bachelors of the world, I offer him my thanks.”

 

He suddenly looked sheepish, got a grip of himself and sat back down This was one of the reasons he lived as a virtual recluse; he couldn’t afford to get distracted from his important work. And women, especially extremely attractive ones like Miss Adelaide Chappel, were a distraction sans pair.

 

Throwing back the rest of the whisky, she set the glass on the table and looked the man straight in the eye, her expression serious.  "So, Mr. Browne, what are ya prepared ta offer me fer a gander at my undercarriage?  Make it good..."

 

“Ah, that is a mere preliminary, my good lady, to see how well your springs are loaded. You see, I have some very delicate items which I need to be transported from Helena to Kalispell. Now, I am prepared to pay double the usual amount for such a service, IF, you can guarantee that the items can be delivered unharmed.”

 

He sat back and took her in, resisting the urge to fall on his knees and ask the beautiful creature to marry him there and then. To be fair to the other ladies of Kalispell, he felt the same way about most of them, too, when he passed them on the street - or sat disguised amongst them disguised as a big old grizzly bear..

 

“What, Miss Chappel, do you think of my proposal… er… offer?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well now, a challenge and a handsome reward...what more could a teamster want?  Still, there seemed to be a bit of a mystery about the cargo, and Addy would have to know specifics on that before she made any commitment.

 

Still and away, she was relieved that the man wasn't after Weedy, and she could use a good job. 

 

"Well, sir, I got a right fine rig, I keep 'er in top shape," she declared proudly, "an' fine springs...not as smooth as th' thoroughbraces on a coach, but as good as ya'd find on a wagon.  An' I can give ya two-up or four," she continued, referring to the horses on the team, "dependin' on weight.  Ya know it's a good eight ta ten days, right?"

 

Which meant she'd need to plan for meals and camping, but that would be fairly easy. 

 

"So, ya wanna go take a gander at my underpinnin's?"

 

@Javia

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Well, sir, I got a right fine rig, I keep 'er in top shape," she declared proudly, "an' fine springs...not as smooth as th' thoroughbraces on a coach, but as good as ya'd find on a wagon.  An' I can give ya two-up or four," she continued, referring to the horses on the team, "dependin' on weight.  Ya know it's a good eight ta ten days, right?"

 

“It will be well worth the journey if these items can be brought safely to Kalispell.” Said Falmer Browne.

 

"So, ya wanna go take a gander at my underpinnin's?"

 

“Of course, but there is something else, Miss Chappel, before we go … I shall need to supervise the operation, be there to take care of the … items.” he said mysteriously. “Would that be a difficulty? If I were to ride ‘shotgun’ as they say? Or alongside on horseback, if that is more to your liking.” He asked.

 

“I certainly do not wish, in any way, for you to feel that I am ‘looking over your shoulder’ all the way there and back. You are the professional and I trust to your judgement implicitly. It is more the nature of the cargo requires my careful attention.”

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"I don't mind."  Addy shrugged, looking the man over, wondering if he was actually up to the trip, but she knew full well that appearances didn't count for naught when it came to the measure of a person.  Still, she allowed as how it would be interesting.  "Just need a few more supplies is all."  And maybe more comfort, as the gentleman might prefer indoor accommodations to camping when it presented.

 

"Might be best we at least have a saddle mount along, just in case we have need."  She was already planning the logistics in her head, but first things first.

 

"So, shall we go check my underpinnin's?"  She stood.  "When ya wanna get this done?"  She'd have to arrange for another driver for the stage, but that wouldn't be hard.

 

@Javia

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"I don't mind."  Addy shrugged, looking the man over, wondering if he was actually up to the trip, but she knew full well that appearances didn't count for naught when it came to the measure of a person.  Still, she allowed as how it would be interesting.  "Just need a few more supplies is all."  And maybe more comfort, as the gentleman might prefer indoor accommodations to camping when it presented.

 

“Oh Spendid! Splendid indeed! I am so glad that you are interested in my proposition!” he beamed, holding up his glass in salute and taking a swig.

 

"Might be best we at least have a saddle mount along, just in case we have need."  She was already planning the logistics in her head, but first things first.

 

He nodded, looking serious. “As you suggest, Miss Chappel, as you suggest. I am completely in your expert hands, my very good woman.” Addy was filling him with more and more confidence that the journey of his special items was actually feasible and doable.

 

"So, shall we go check my underpinnin's?"  She stood.  "When ya wanna get this done?"  She'd have to arrange for another driver for the stage, but that wouldn't be hard.

 

“Oooh, well, er. ‘As soon as humanly possible’ to coin a phrase, but to tell the truth, whenever possible is better than never!” he said, a little confusingly. “My items are quite safe in Helena, as we speak, but I am most anxious to be reunited with them at the earliest possible convenience!” he enthused.

 

“But yes, please, let us away! I can hardly wait to test your springs!” he smiled, standing and helping her out of her chair like a true gent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • JulieS locked this topic
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...